I Am Not A Reliable Narrator

14 January 2007

decision time

i have to step back from this blog.

i probably shouldn't have started it anyhow seeing as i have my livejournal as well

it's too much temptation to update at work and starting next week i am just going to have way way too much to do. i'll still be at my livejournal but i think it's in my best interests to take a break from this one for now.


12 January 2007

Resolutions part 2

all that weight loss business i was yammering about the other day. not gonna be such a big deal after all. my manager told me this morning that he is not transferring over to the new company and has accepted a new job with our old company. today is his last day. that means that i'm sorta kinda the manager in the interim. i don't want to be the sorta kinda manager, not even a little bit!

also, we're completing on the house in 2.5 weeks. we paid the deposit last night.

i am in a constant state of near throw up.

good times, yo, good times

10 January 2007

possible eurovision bliss

this could be better than Lordi the prosthetic wearing hard rock nordic winners of last year's Eurovision

imagine a morrisey penned entry. i get chills (both good and bad) just thinking about it!

09 January 2007


i don't really make new year's resolutions. i haven't for years. but this year i find myself striving towards change.

i'm trying not to put an official name on anything and largely i am just grateful for my much improved health as compared to this time last year when, if memory serves, i was dealing with a bowel infection along with the as yet unnamed salmonella bad menstrual cramps and the beginning stages of reactive arthritis and a totally unresponsive doctor. BUT, because there is always a but, i'm not totally happy with myself. my belly is too damn big and i've got an unhealthy relationship with jammy dodgers, sugary coffee and coca cola. i'm a bit smaller than i was when we moved here due to change in lifestyle, i walk more, portion sizes are smaller, stuff like that. but by last summer i weighed considerably less, and yes it was due to illness, but i liked it. i liked being that size. i was happy with that size.

now that my digestive system is back to normal and the left side of my jaw is no longer in near constant arthritic pain i need to keep myself in check. i can no longer rely on intestinal distress and arthritis as my weight loss method, nor do i want to rely on intestinal distress and arthritis, they suck!

so, to that end, i am:
  1. drinking more water
  2. not snacking between breakfast and lunch or lunch and dinner
  3. cutting back on the coffee
  4. taking a yoga class with a couple friends

i like to think that none of these are resolutions, they're just better choices. although i admit, the timing is suspicious.

and seriously, if i could just get over this whole cancer hang up and start smoking regularly again, i'd lose the weight in a jiff!

speaking of, i need to quit doing that entirely too. but that's for april.

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08 January 2007

oh america

my writers' group met last night. it was only my second time attending but i read about 7 pages from my 1st draft (which totals about 49 pages in all) i read the part where one character tells another (her boyfriend) that she is 7 months pregnant.
i finished reading and the husband of our host for the evening poked his head out of the kitchen and began to speak about america and first of all what he hates about america (the usual) and then followed it with but what i love about america and what there is a wealth of in america is this great wealth of music and film and writing that is so true, that doesn't sugarcoat everything (he said something about the english having their fingers up their bums and making everything all flowery and stupid as well) you just tell it like it is and that was brilliant, what you just read it was everything that's good about america.

and i'm gonna say, first of all, that i think this is an overstatement, truly i think there's alot about america that is way better than my 1st draft of a partially finished novel. but secondly, that was really fucking nice to hear. i've been in a huge creative slump and that bit of unsolicited praise from an eavesdropper was pretty awesome. i felt like i did after i turned in my first story in osvaldo sabino's creative writing workshop in 1997 at wayne state university when he told me it was good enough to be published. better maybe.

so thanks america, i'll keep trying to bring the good.

ETA 16:28 8th jan 2007

I hope this doesn't come across as being too smug and self satisfied. i mean, yes i was pleased to receive such a huge compliment from a stranger and i am still pleased, but i don't necassarily believe it. it just made me feel really warm and, well, talented again. my mom has this thing about harping on me about how i need to keep writing because it is my 'gift from god' and again, i don't really believe that either (given my complicated relationship with the judeo-christian god) and she hasn't said it in awhile because i asked her to back off, because seriously, how do recover from being sold as having a gift from god if you actually suck? like that fergie, from black eyed peas says her voice is a gift from god, a vengeful old testament god maybe.

i'm veering off topic here.

the point i'm trying to make is that i don't want to seem too pompous and all ooh i'm so freaking talented i'm the best writer ever, worship me america, worship me! i'm actually feeling really baffled and pleased at the same time. i think i'm chuffed as they say on this soggy island. but i don't want to seem like a beg headed jerk, y'know?

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05 January 2007

new year's dress: the picture

this is me just before the drunkening began on New Year's Eve. sadly, can not see my gold tights or my red sparkly shoes. you can sort of see the necklace and head band i knitted earlier in the day. you can also become frieghtened by my red red eyes.

in other news, i've got the sick and i am on the penicillan. see while wearing the pictured ensemble i was all like, i know i have a cough but i want to smoke menthol cigarettes while i drink these many drinks (i know menthols, an affront to my old marlboro red days, but beggars can't be choosers, man). the cough has stuck with me and yesterday my chest started to tighten. a sure sign of the return of bronchitis so i got a doctor's appointment and even though she couldn't hear anything in my lungs she decided that green phlegm was reason enough for a prescription. so i'm home taking pills that make me woozy and happily, am not dealing with the project from hell at work. which means i am also not dealing with annoying temps and coworkers and am instead dealing solely with olliver the kitten and my pyjamas. i don't care if i am coughing up green muck i think i came out on top in this deal!

03 January 2007

New Year's Day Wisdom

on New Year's Day, a bunch of us were sitting in Paula and Harvey's room after our ramble through the pony filled country side. everyone was still pretty hung over, The Great Escape was playing quietly on the small TV in the corner and we were telling one member of our party about the outdoors (he was too hung over to leave his bed until about 4:30 in the afternoon).

I mentioned a bunny that Harvey and I saw hopping through the low bushes and Paula expressed dismay at missing the bunny sighting. to which Harvey responded sagely: Well, if you spend to much time looking at ponies, you'll miss the bunnies.

this struck us all as absolutely hilarious at first and then we all began to nod and it was agreed that it was the wisest thing we'd ever heard. maybe we were all still a little drunk, but i stand by it.

after all, you WILL miss the bunnies if you spend too much time looking at ponies.

who knew?

it never had anything to do with hannigan!

I blame Annie and Mrs. Hannigan for this mishear of my youth!

home agan, hannigan, jiggity jig jig

is it just my mom who used to say that? whenever we'd pull into the driveway after a trip of any length over four hours she'd sigh deeply and say home again, hannigan, jiggity jig jig. i have no idea where this saying originates or if it is just somethig she made up, i should look on wikipedia.

anyhow, the point. i'm back from 4 day weekend #2. last week was shit. proper and complete shit. for further details please go to my livejournal where it is all sort of explained. but really, the main thing is, you should never assume that a 3 day week will be easy, because it will almost certainly suck harder than hoover (president, fbi director or vacuum take your pick).

new year's eve made up for it though. it was loads of fun. we danced and drank and laughed and just had a generally good time. i also looked quite lovely in my my new year's dress and sparkly red shoes, although i was not prepared for the number of wizard of oz jokes from the locals i would have gone for gold. one guy kept insisting that my shoes were a sign that i desperately wanted to return to my hometown. i asked him if he'd ever heard of port huron michigan, he said no and i said i wished i could say the same and then solemnly swore that there was no way my heels would touch each other even once that evening. he remained unconvinced. i ordered another drink.

jeremy won the dance off, although there are rumors it was rigged. i have no doubt he would have won anyhow, anyone with an interpretive dance based on giving birth is pretty much guaranteed to win any dance off in the world, maybe even the universe.

i'm pretty sure that at some point around 4am i started to rant incoherently about work because i just have a vague memory of saying 'and then he asks me if i know who'e in charge of the project, the fucker!' in two different locations. both times i think paula was suffering though the beligerent nonsense. i can only hope that she was too drunk to remember and or care.

the next day we all braved the outdoors and looked at ponies and the outside in general. in the evening we watched Ferris Bueller's Day Off and ate curry and then yesterday we returned to london and oliver and our own bed.

and today it's back to the file factory.

and tonight the beginning of celebrity big brother with rumored housemates adam ant and lil kim. fingers are crossed!