I Am Not A Reliable Narrator

22 August 2008

Things I hate and love

Outside of really big bad things, you know like war and poverty and racism and assholes, these are some things I really can't stand:
  1. Stepping in poop of indeterminate origin less than ten steps from my house in the morning (actually I still hate stepping in poop with a clear origin, but indeterminate feces is somehow just a little bit worse). It's really hard to get poop off your shoes. And it smells bad. Hate.
  2. Taking the bus on a rainy day. Because it's overcrowded and everyone smells worse than they normally do. The bus on a normal day is bad enough but add rain and it becomes nigh intolerable.
  3. The bug bite on my shin. Something in Michigan bit me and it still itches and is huge! Stupid Michigan bugs.
  4. Having to work totally sucks. For real, someone should just pay me for being me and therefore being awesome. I have been saying this for a long time. When will the people listen? When?
  5. PMS. Sometimes I can feel it building up. The bitchery starts small, like with hand gestures at the telephone when people ask me stupid questions about scanning documents (It's not rocket science, jerks!) and then grows and grows until I am spewing curse words at small children while swigging cheap red wine and begging strangers for cigarettes. Sometimes it sneak attacks and I go from Sweetie Pie Jones to Cruella DeVille in 2 seconds over the fact that someone moved my paperclip! MY PAPERCLIP!!!

And these are some things I love (again excluding the obvious like Jeremy and Oliver the cat and Top Shelf Ramen Noodles and the color green)

  1. My neices. They're all rock solid awesome. The eldest is 16 and smart as hell. She takes college courses in the mornings and high school course in the afternoon. When she's done with high school she'll probably have the first two years of college finished and out of her way. She is also very pretty and awesome. The middle is equally awesome, she is obsessed with puppies (thus making her easy to bribe) cute as a freaking button and bright as hell, at 7 she is already a lot of fun to talk to and still giggles and looks at me like I'm a nut when I ask her if she's married yet and make other stupid jokes. And the littlest at 2 is fast becoming an evil genius. She's taken to stealing the other kids' socks at daycare and then she sits on said socks so that they will never be discovered! And no, she is not some mammoth thug baby, kid just wants more socks and has figured out a way to procure them. Also, she is adorable. My neices are awesome.
  2. Sleeping in and then reading a book for an hour in bed before actually moving downstairs. This is the ultimate decadence. If I just had a butler who would serve me coffee whilst I leisurely read in bed life would be perfect.
  3. My bathroom. It is beautiful and has a big tub and a heated floor. Therefore, I love it.
  4. New bedding. We just bought new sheets when we were back in the Americas and oh god they are the best ever. They are just from Target but they are sooo soooo soooooo soft and comfy and 2 more sets will be arriving soon in the box we are having shipped over! Hooray for the 4-500 thread count! And new down pillows too!
  5. Getting compliments. Compliments are awesome and I love them. Last week I got compliments on my shoes ("When I saw you'd changed into your Converse I was really psyched because I knew you meant business about dancing." And I did!), my bag (That's a sweet bag!" It is!) and 6 on my blue Italian necklace (although Jeremy claims these are compliments to him because he picked it out, but they are not because he would look silly wearing it whereas I looked awesome.) and they all made me feel really nice which makes me want to give out more compliments in the hopes that even more compliments will come my way. Have I mentioned how pretty you all are? Because you are one devastating bunch!



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