oliver is a hater

i was going to put up a picture of oliver lounging beneath the christmas tree but i haven't uploaded it yet. so picture it, london, 2006, an adorable kitten sleeping under a slightly jenky (janky, how do you spell that) christmas tree, he looks content and happy, he appears to love the christmas tree.

but the next day, our narrator and heroine returns home to find ornaments everywhere! the earmuff wearing styrofoam snowman, he's wedged under the sofa. the picture of some cadles stuck between a couple pieces of contac paper with a doily and som glitter, oh, it is forlornly laying on the floor. the beaded white ornament, is rocking back and forth, its wounds still fresh from the battering of our feline foe! worst of all, the poor foam gingerbread lady has found herself a few toes short, was it frostbite? no, it was oliver's attack on christmas!

what has caused this antipathy towards my khan's bargain bin tree? why does oliver hate it so, i've sprayed it with pine essecital oil to make it seem less plastic, does he resent the presence of this almost tree in his home? does he reject the consumerist and capitalist hijacking of this our lord and saviour's birthday? is he, like his adoptive father, a jew and therefore in oppostion to all christmas goodwill? or does he just want outside more? this great mystery may never be solved, but until boxing day he shall be known as oliver scrooge, hater of cristmas and its ornaments.

spamalot

we saw spamalot on wednesday night as part of jeremy's work christmas party. we also had a nice dinner where we teased his boss about glowing in the dark after having lunch at the millenium hotel on the same day as Alexander Litvenenko right before the polonium issues were discovered (don't worry , jeremy's boss has been tested and he is not, i repeat, he is not radioactive)

anyhow, spamalot was really funny. although if you don't like the monty python oeuvre you would probably disgree with me (you would also be a humourless jerk, but that's your business). it was largely a sort of greatest hits of monty python moments (the finland song, nods to the dead parrot sketch, always look on the bright side of life performed by dancing knights with parasols rather than dying men on crosses) but they also added some new material. the lady of the lake had a large roll and herbert the sissy in the castle had a much expanded part. the witch bit was left out and that made me sad, but they did some nice things with the french soldiers and the taunting, including one particular raspberry method that i plan to use if ever i have the chance. and tim curry was a very funny, if surprisingly portly, king arthur.

luckily everyone enjoyed it as well, two years ago at the last party they had we went to see jerry springer the opera and jeremy and i were the only ones who liked it. even though none of his coworkers are particularly religious, the whole bit with jesus in a diaper did not go over well with them. we just laughed and laughed though. they have since decided that we are tasteless americans. fair enough.

it was a good antidote to my office christmas lunch earlier in the day. everyone smelled nice, the food and service were better and even though there were no christmas crackers at all (shame!) it was still a very good time.

on a more personal note

i am feeling grumpy and beligerantly american this morning.

• i know, i know, i chose to move to london and it was a big dream of mine for a long time, but i want american things today.
• i want cheap restaurants with huge portions and doggy bags.
• i want people to complain to the right people (meaning: not me! i can't make the bus driver go faster, i also can't help you get better service at the bank, i can only help you with your filing needs and maybe if i think you are neat i will write you a poem. maybe).
• i want a bigger apartment. not a flat, an apartment.
• i don't want to say zed, i want to say zee.
• i want you to say merry christmas not happy christmas.
• i want a chicago style hot dog.
• i want a decent cup of coffee.
• i want to buy shoes without being stressed out about the size conversion.
• i want to be a size 12 again instead of a 14 or 16, i know the clothes are the same size but it makes me feel better about myself!
• i want more shared cultural references, i don't know who half the people you talk about are!
• i want everyone to quit asking me where michigan is. it's at the top, it looks like a hand, it's easy to remember.
• i want you all to pronounce my lousy name correctly.
• i want to be able to meet my 6 month old niece in person.
• i want to stop feeling like a hick when i pronounce certain words (eg: wolf, museum, barry, carribean, even iraq i keep saying it with a long I which is not as bad as my mom always saying eye-talian, but still).
• i want everyone to swear more.
• i want a taco that doesn't cost £5.
• i want a bottle of bell's oberon beer.

i just want more comfortable things. even though i am mostly looking forward to christmas i am not entirely (not that i've ever been particularly well known for my christmas spirit) because it's going to be sort of lonely without either of our families around (even if his family doesn't celebrate christmas, obviously. i still get to be a spy in the house of david at the chinese restaurants on christmas eve) and i know, i know i always bitch about them when they are around. i'm a bad person, okay?

i'm just feeling grumpy and selfish and out of sorts today. not exactly homesick more annoyed at the distance and the lack of affordable mexican food. that is probably the same as being homesick, but i don't like to admit to being homesick since i never used to feel that way, not at band camp or confirmation camp, or college or after. well maybe a lottle in vegas and the first year in chicago, but across the ocean is different, and there were burritos and tacos a plenty in vegas and chicago.