oliver is a hater
i was going to put up a picture of oliver lounging beneath the christmas tree but i haven't uploaded it yet. so picture it, london, 2006, an adorable kitten sleeping under a slightly jenky (janky, how do you spell that) christmas tree, he looks content and happy, he appears to love the christmas tree.
but the next day, our narrator and heroine returns home to find ornaments everywhere! the earmuff wearing styrofoam snowman, he's wedged under the sofa. the picture of some cadles stuck between a couple pieces of contac paper with a doily and som glitter, oh, it is forlornly laying on the floor. the beaded white ornament, is rocking back and forth, its wounds still fresh from the battering of our feline foe! worst of all, the poor foam gingerbread lady has found herself a few toes short, was it frostbite? no, it was oliver's attack on christmas!
what has caused this antipathy towards my khan's bargain bin tree? why does oliver hate it so, i've sprayed it with pine essecital oil to make it seem less plastic, does he resent the presence of this almost tree in his home? does he reject the consumerist and capitalist hijacking of this our lord and saviour's birthday? is he, like his adoptive father, a jew and therefore in oppostion to all christmas goodwill? or does he just want outside more? this great mystery may never be solved, but until boxing day he shall be known as oliver scrooge, hater of cristmas and its ornaments.
but the next day, our narrator and heroine returns home to find ornaments everywhere! the earmuff wearing styrofoam snowman, he's wedged under the sofa. the picture of some cadles stuck between a couple pieces of contac paper with a doily and som glitter, oh, it is forlornly laying on the floor. the beaded white ornament, is rocking back and forth, its wounds still fresh from the battering of our feline foe! worst of all, the poor foam gingerbread lady has found herself a few toes short, was it frostbite? no, it was oliver's attack on christmas!
what has caused this antipathy towards my khan's bargain bin tree? why does oliver hate it so, i've sprayed it with pine essecital oil to make it seem less plastic, does he resent the presence of this almost tree in his home? does he reject the consumerist and capitalist hijacking of this our lord and saviour's birthday? is he, like his adoptive father, a jew and therefore in oppostion to all christmas goodwill? or does he just want outside more? this great mystery may never be solved, but until boxing day he shall be known as oliver scrooge, hater of cristmas and its ornaments.
Labels: christmas, khan's bargain bin, kitten
posted by carolyn says @ 9:51 am
7 Comments:
At 19 December 2006 at 12:47,
Alannah said…
Well he's clearly the product of a liberal and a Jew. He's protesting against the hegemony of the Christian celebration and the commercialization gone haywire.
At 19 December 2006 at 12:50,
carolyn says said…
if we have children will they turn out like this too? i can't handle anymore biters
At 19 December 2006 at 13:23,
Alannah said…
It's possible. Stella was a biter. Maybe liberals create some sort of oral fixationl
At 19 December 2006 at 14:11,
carolyn says said…
or maybe it's all the republican bile getting out early so they can be peaceful and loving as they age?
At 19 December 2006 at 16:09,
5 of 9er said…
I'm thankful to have cats that could care less about our tree.
At 19 December 2006 at 18:11,
LORMO said…
I know a cat that would CLIMB the Xmas tree.
It was funny to see him in there but good luck trying to keep the ornaments on.
At 19 December 2006 at 19:15,
carolyn says said…
my cat snuffy once knocked our huge natural xmas tree over on my brother while he was sleeping in the living room. best xmas present ever.
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