My Lower Intestine is Pink

Here are some things I learned yesterday

• Private insurance can be good to have, it means you get a lovely view of the Thames from your recovery bed.
• General Anesthetic is good too, especially when it helps you pass out right before the doctor puts a tube down your throat
• It's totally weird to wake up and see you lower intestine on a television screen and realize that there is a tube up your bum
• It is equally weird to see that two sachets of Picolax, a powder that clears out the intestines of most mortals, have not been enough to clear out your system.
• It is super duper weird to see yesterday's lunch while it is still inside your body!
• It is like super duper kaduper weird to watch someone taking biopsies from your intestine. I know I could have looked away and not watched Inside Carolyn TV, but it's sort of fascinating too.
• Just because it doesn't hurt right after you colonoscopy is finished, that doesn't mean it won't hurt later on in the day.
• In fact, it will probably hurt a lot and trying to get the peppermint tea off the top shelf will be a bad bad bad bad bad idea,
• There is also a good chance that your guts will still be sore the next day and the only thing that will make you feel better will be new green flannel pyjamas (I don't care what Cherry says about green. He's wrong, green is awesome) and some library books (although how could Lolita be missing? Who would steal The Annotated Lolita? Lame! And eveln worse, how is it possible that the lady working at the library had never heard of Nabokov? Super duper lame!) and a long afternoon nap.
• It is good to hear that your insides look normal even if your bowel likes to hold onto it's contents a little more stubbornly than most, and it is even better to hear that your doctor doesn't think you'll need to do this again. I mean new pyjamas are nice and all, but not really enough to make up for one tube down your throat and another up your butt.
• There's not much that can make that sort of thing worth it really, not even a nice view of the river.