The Girl Conundrum
My friend Chrystie and I were discussing this on Saturday. When is it no longer okay to refer to yourself as a girl? We're both thinking that we're probably reaching that point, her in her late 20s and about to aquire her PhD and me as a married 30 year old firmly ensconced in the world of middle management. Is it creepy for us to refer to ourselves as girls now? Is it time to take up the mantle of WOMAN?
I can see that at 30 I am pretty much out of the girl zone. I concede that I am a grown ass person now. I pay a mortgage, I think about maybe having babies someday (someday, Mom, don't get too excited yet), I have multiple bank accounts, I have investments (although truthfully I know fairly little about them, they are the domain of Auntie Pam), I attend weddings for more than just the open bar (not that I'll be turning down any of those free drinks, I just won't be trying to drink the cost of my dress this time), I have a degree, I have a proper job (sure I'm updating my Blog from it, who isn't?), I have quit smoking, I do a lot of ostensibly grown up things.
But the thing is, I do not feel like a grown up. Does that matter though? Does my interior battle to remain approximately 18 have any bearing on what I actually am? Am I a grown up despite my desire to still be in university staying out until 6AM with my friends? My actions are clearly not those of the drunk student I was in 1998. For one, that girl could hold her liquor a lot better than me. For two, she needed a lot less sleep. For three, she still had the metabolism of a 16 year old on crack. Not that I was ever on crack, just trying to make a point about my metabolism here.
But, really, what is it that makes us adults? Is age just a number (as R. Kelly and Aaliyah would have us believe)? Does anyone ever truly want to be an adult? Am I just in extreme denial about the loss of my youth? Is it creepy to refer to myself as a girl at the age of 30? When do we finally become women and men and how are those entities defined?
I seriously don't know, I think I used to have some vague idea but now that I am ticking all those boxes that used to define adulthood and I still don't feel especially adult, I wonder if I ever will.
I can see that at 30 I am pretty much out of the girl zone. I concede that I am a grown ass person now. I pay a mortgage, I think about maybe having babies someday (someday, Mom, don't get too excited yet), I have multiple bank accounts, I have investments (although truthfully I know fairly little about them, they are the domain of Auntie Pam), I attend weddings for more than just the open bar (not that I'll be turning down any of those free drinks, I just won't be trying to drink the cost of my dress this time), I have a degree, I have a proper job (sure I'm updating my Blog from it, who isn't?), I have quit smoking, I do a lot of ostensibly grown up things.
But the thing is, I do not feel like a grown up. Does that matter though? Does my interior battle to remain approximately 18 have any bearing on what I actually am? Am I a grown up despite my desire to still be in university staying out until 6AM with my friends? My actions are clearly not those of the drunk student I was in 1998. For one, that girl could hold her liquor a lot better than me. For two, she needed a lot less sleep. For three, she still had the metabolism of a 16 year old on crack. Not that I was ever on crack, just trying to make a point about my metabolism here.
But, really, what is it that makes us adults? Is age just a number (as R. Kelly and Aaliyah would have us believe)? Does anyone ever truly want to be an adult? Am I just in extreme denial about the loss of my youth? Is it creepy to refer to myself as a girl at the age of 30? When do we finally become women and men and how are those entities defined?
I seriously don't know, I think I used to have some vague idea but now that I am ticking all those boxes that used to define adulthood and I still don't feel especially adult, I wonder if I ever will.
posted by carolyn says @ 2:54 pm
8 Comments:
At 8 October 2007 at 15:21,
Alannah said…
This is a great post. I feel the same way, despite being a mother (of a middle schooler, even!). Growing up and old is a weird weird thing.
Ah well. I still refer to myself sometimes as a girl. I think women secretly like being referred to as girls.
At 8 October 2007 at 15:24,
carolyn says said…
except when it's by skeezy dudes. i wish there was a feminine version of dude, other than dudette. my dad always calls me dudette and it's been annoying since i was a girl for sure
i can't stop thinking though, that at some point i have to stop clinging to this younger idea of myself, not that i consider myself old, but i am definitely not the same as i was. you know?
At 8 October 2007 at 16:14,
5 of 9er said…
LP's mom calls all of the women in her life girl. She is always saying "Hey Girl!" - so there you go.
Ig you feel young I think it's fine to be one of the girls... as long as you don't try to keep up with those early twenty-something, because that might kill you (and make you feel old).
At 8 October 2007 at 22:38,
Alannah said…
LP's mom sounds adorable.
At 9 October 2007 at 16:14,
5 of 9er said…
She is... a cute southern lady... I mean girl. :)
At 9 October 2007 at 18:48,
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said…
I'm the least adult guy I know. I'm a man-child.
At 11 October 2007 at 18:30,
ReckenRoll said…
You're so Britney. Not a girl, not yet a woman.
I think it's a contextual thing. To older women we will always be "girls" to younger people we will be "women"
I prefer to think of myself as "madamoiselle". Go figure.
At 11 October 2007 at 19:58,
carolyn says said…
i know it, i need to go sit on a cliff in the desert and think about this some more.
lately customer service operators have taken to calling me madam, i think it's because i go by mrs rather than ms (which i am also conflicted about) mademoiselle would def be better
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