wake up

i am trying to reintroduce my 5AM wake up time from last year.

for months i was really good. i woke up at 5 made myself a powdered 'cappucino' and wrote for an hour. mostly i used my typewriter but sometimes i used my computer. i would do three pages longhand free writing first (as dictated by the Artist's Way) and then would work on my novel thingama (2-3 versions ago).

today i was up by 6 and i did a page of free writing and then i just stared at the screen and my brain sort of locked up. maybe it was the lack of 'cappucino.' maybe it was the fact that i am torn between 2 stories and multiple versions of one of them

• 20 something college student finds out her favorite teacher is pedophile
• family deals with teen pregnancy
• 15 year old in small midwestern town copes with change (at least 3 different versions of this one alone)
• something else entirely

i know i need to choose one and just stick with it, but i always seem to get crippled by doubt right around page 50. maybe it's because they are all at least a little bit autobigraphical. not one is 100% but they've all got a kernal of my life in them and suddenly i seem to doubt the validity of my own stories.

or maybe it's the lack of 'cappucino.' yeah, it's got nothing to do with low self esteem and everything to do with powdered beverages.