Negative Nancy

5 of 9er posted the other day about being a jerk. Not that I think he is a jerk, not even at all, his internet presence is singularly enjoyable and pleasant. But he mentioned the prevalence of blogs being used as a means to complain and that's something I do a lot. Especially lately, with my health acting up again and my general state as stressed out harridan.

I've always been prone towards negativity and as I grow older I see the same attitude in my brother and parents as well. My mom hides it more than the others do, but it's still there. I try hard to counteract it without forcing myself to be too Pollyanna about everything but it can be hard to find the right balance. I think I am often at my funniest when I am being sarcastic and negative, but I can also see how it wears people down to be around that kind of presence. And while I don't think I go too far too often, I know that when I do I can be really hurtful and miserable to be around.

It's a tricky balance. I don't want to hide how I iactually feel to the point that I become some sort of passive aggressive she-beast who doesn't realize what a jerk she is. But I also do not want to be the negative asshole in the corner who makes jokes at the expense of others in order to deflect her own insecurities.

I know I don't have to be one or the other, but i'm not sure where in the middle I ought to fall. And what if I am actually just destined to be an asshole? Like Stompy the elephant on The Simpsons.

Sorry, I'll post more stories about Oliver soon to counteract this downer of a post.

He tried to rub against my legs this morning after I got out of the shower, stopped, looked apalled at the idea of all that water and then tried again as if it would have changed in the 2 seconds it took him to be disgusted.