Ebay takes another little piece of my heart
We've put my chair on eBay. I know, I know, the chair is ugly as fuck. That green velvet is the color of spinach vomit, I know, okay! But I love that chair and giving the go ahead to put it up for sale was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. ETA 15 people are officially watching chair as of 13:32 GMT Tuesday 4th March. Can you believe it?
Chair Timeline
1989/90 - Parents Kohl plan garage sale and ask friends to participate in order to bulk up stock. Mrs F (Carolyn's former piano teacher and baker of remarkable brownies) donates ugly green chair, priced $40. Carolyn falls in love with chair immediately as chair espouses her developing fashion mantra perfectly. So ugly, it's beautiful. Carolyn begins long day of placing Snuffy the mangy cat with weeping eye puss onto the chair in order to discourage all buyers. By the end of the day Carolyn is $15 poorer but one chair richer.
1990 - 1995 - Chair is used as seating choice while writing SO much bad poetry and many impassioned journal entries. Chair acquires thick lair of cat hair despite sad death of Snuffy the cat. Digi the 19 lb panther cat is happy to take over.
1997 - Chair and Carolyn move to Detroit. Chair functions as excellent writing/smoking chair in two separate apartments
1999 - Chair and Carolyn move to Hamtramck. Chair and Jack Kerouac begin their relationship.
Jan 1999 - Chair, Carolyn and Jack Kerouac move to Las Vegas. Jack begins taking out the stress of move on the corner of Chair's right wing. Dill the shelter cat moves into apartment on Twain Ave. begins to take out stress of new home on chair's underside.
June 2000 - Chair, girl and cats rent UHaul and move to Roger's Park, Chicago. Chair is introduced to more cruel cats (Earplug and Prince Adam) but is moved out of bedroom and into the light of the living room.
August 2001 - Chair moves to Edgewater despite mocking words of new flatmate. Finds love with new kinder cats Foodlion and Isaac receives continued torture by Jack Kerouac and Dill.
September 2003 - Chair returns to Roger's Park. Chair suffers through continued feline abuse (return of Earplug, addition of Plan B the farty calico) and the beginning of much verbal abuse from one Dr Jeremy Opperer who has suddenly decided that Chair is ugly.
May 2004 - Marriage of Carolyn and Jeremy, Chair begins to fear.
January 2005 - Chair is packed into container unit and shipped over the ocean to London
February 2005 - Chair arrives in East Dulwich, London. Introduced first to safe and calm Jasper the cat and then to the much more demanding Oliver.
February 2007 - Chair moves to Nunhead, fear increases. A new stylistic regime has begun Dr. Jeremy 'Mid-Century Modern' Opperer has begun making hateful noises about chair.
March 2008 - Chair's worst fears are confirmed. Carolyn has given in, her love for Chair does not surpass her desire for a beautiful and sleek bedroom. Chair is listed on eBay. Sorrow.
Maybe no one will bid. Chair is an acquired taste after all.
Chair Timeline
1989/90 - Parents Kohl plan garage sale and ask friends to participate in order to bulk up stock. Mrs F (Carolyn's former piano teacher and baker of remarkable brownies) donates ugly green chair, priced $40. Carolyn falls in love with chair immediately as chair espouses her developing fashion mantra perfectly. So ugly, it's beautiful. Carolyn begins long day of placing Snuffy the mangy cat with weeping eye puss onto the chair in order to discourage all buyers. By the end of the day Carolyn is $15 poorer but one chair richer.
1990 - 1995 - Chair is used as seating choice while writing SO much bad poetry and many impassioned journal entries. Chair acquires thick lair of cat hair despite sad death of Snuffy the cat. Digi the 19 lb panther cat is happy to take over.
1997 - Chair and Carolyn move to Detroit. Chair functions as excellent writing/smoking chair in two separate apartments
1999 - Chair and Carolyn move to Hamtramck. Chair and Jack Kerouac begin their relationship.
Jan 1999 - Chair, Carolyn and Jack Kerouac move to Las Vegas. Jack begins taking out the stress of move on the corner of Chair's right wing. Dill the shelter cat moves into apartment on Twain Ave. begins to take out stress of new home on chair's underside.
June 2000 - Chair, girl and cats rent UHaul and move to Roger's Park, Chicago. Chair is introduced to more cruel cats (Earplug and Prince Adam) but is moved out of bedroom and into the light of the living room.
August 2001 - Chair moves to Edgewater despite mocking words of new flatmate. Finds love with new kinder cats Foodlion and Isaac receives continued torture by Jack Kerouac and Dill.
September 2003 - Chair returns to Roger's Park. Chair suffers through continued feline abuse (return of Earplug, addition of Plan B the farty calico) and the beginning of much verbal abuse from one Dr Jeremy Opperer who has suddenly decided that Chair is ugly.
May 2004 - Marriage of Carolyn and Jeremy, Chair begins to fear.
January 2005 - Chair is packed into container unit and shipped over the ocean to London
February 2005 - Chair arrives in East Dulwich, London. Introduced first to safe and calm Jasper the cat and then to the much more demanding Oliver.
February 2007 - Chair moves to Nunhead, fear increases. A new stylistic regime has begun Dr. Jeremy 'Mid-Century Modern' Opperer has begun making hateful noises about chair.
March 2008 - Chair's worst fears are confirmed. Carolyn has given in, her love for Chair does not surpass her desire for a beautiful and sleek bedroom. Chair is listed on eBay. Sorrow.
Maybe no one will bid. Chair is an acquired taste after all.
posted by carolyn says @ 9:06 am
5 Comments:
At 3 March 2008 at 15:08,
Alice said…
Aww what a lovely tale. Kirsty has a thing about chairs, you might be able to convince her it'll somehow improve her life (tho I think I'm with Dr J, it's not going in the kitchen)
At 3 March 2008 at 16:19,
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said…
i'd be stunned if that thing sells. you may want to try craig's list. you got a better chance of some weirdo buying it from CL.
At 3 March 2008 at 16:38,
carolyn says said…
i dunno dr k
we sold a dresser my folks got me from sam's club on eBay for £70 and our old closet door for £30
people in this town will buy anything. even Chair
At 4 March 2008 at 20:09,
5 of 9er said…
I like it! Is that a bad thing to admit?
At 5 March 2008 at 08:02,
carolyn says said…
nope it just means you are able to see Chair's special beauty faster than others
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