I Am Not A Reliable Narrator

30 July 2007

Incognito

I sent my folks a link to our Venice pictures last week and my mom wrote me back saying they were very nice but she barely recognized me in some of them. What was it that remndered me a photographic stranger to my mother, you ask. Well, she provided me three possible reasons, it could have been one or possibly even all three working together to thwart the holy mother daughter bond.

  1. I must have lost weight - ever since we moved to Europe my mom is convinced that I am constantly losing weight. I have lost weight here, thanks Salmonella!, but I've also gained a fair bit of it back and I'm pretty sure that since we saw my folks last autumn I've stayed relatively the same ( I haven't owned a scale for a long time, they make me a little crazygonuts). It is likely that when we return hom in November that this weight loss will be used as further evidence of some terrible illness I must be suffering from or perhaps a burgeoning new drug addiction that I am as yet unaware of.
  2. My hair was pulled back - True enough, my hair is usually worn down or just pulled back with a headband, but seriously, do I look THAT different with a pony tail?
  3. SUNGLASSES! - Yes, friends, the most nefarious disguise of all. Big, black sunglasses rendered me unrecognizable to EVEN MY OWN MOTHER! Sure she raised me from the day I was born and according to many a family member I am, in fact, the spitting image of the woman, but throw on a pair of £12 plastic sunglasses and I am prepared to escape recognition around the world. Just call me Carmen Sandiego.

I think I'm totally ready for a career in bank robbery now. I've got a dark pair of green sunglasses too. If I lose a couple more pounds and put my hair in a bun no one will ever be the wiser

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