My Favorite Thing about Facebook is the Status Update (and when boys I used to have crushes on find me)

Carolyn is feeling homesick for Chicago
Carolyn knows that the Chicago she is homesick for is no longer there, life being an ever changing thing, nevertheless, she remains homesick.
Carolyn has had weird chest pains since Sunday.
Carolyn was convinced these chest pains were caused by some sort of exotic disease contracted whilst on holiday and was certain she was going to die.
Carolyn began writing her will.
Carolyn decided to call NHS Direct before completing her will.
Carolyn followed the advice of the nurse at NHS Direct and contacted her local out of hours GP service.
Carolyn was then deeply annoyed by the rude receptionist (since when is it okay to get all shirty with someone who's been in pain since Sunday and is just trying to keep from DYING?).
Carolyn then found out that she somehow strained her chest muscles.
Carolyn didn't even know she had chest muscles, she just thought they were boobs.
Carolyn doesn't even know how she could have possibly strained the muscles in her chest. She does not lead a strenuous life.
Carolyn is now convinced that she was abducted by aliens on Saturday night.
Carolyn never got abducted by aliens when she lived in Chicago.
Carolyn always knew where her injuries came from when she lived in the midwest. Except for when she drank way too much, but even then she could usually retrace her steps to the point of origin.
Carolyn once bashed her head when she fell off a snowbank in Detroit. Her roommate asked her if she was dead before helping her up.
Carolyn was mortified when the next day her writing professor sent a cute boy to the Cass Cafe to check her out while she had a scabby bruised head.
Carolyn still had about 5 beers with him at the 2nd Street Saloon and then they dated for about 2 months before Carolyn wigged out and acted like a nutbar.
Carolyn has always been exceptionally good at wigging out like a nutbar, especially where cute boys are concerned.
Carolyn would like to point out at this point, that he was also a little bit of a nutbar, just more quietly so.
Carolyn found it unacceptable that he used to come up to her after they stopped having naked times and give her a hug as if they were such good friends, they were not such good friends, he dumped Carolyn via email and she was not over it yet!
Carolyn was not ready for hugging yet and therefore took to hiding in whatever campus building was available whenever she sighted the aforementioned cute boy.
Carolyn 's college years were clearly fraught with drama.
Carolyn is happy to be out of the dating scene.
Carolyn is still feeling homesick though.
Carolyn would just like a taco or some Hot Doug's.