The scariest conversation I've ever had
Scene: Jeremy has just returned from a business trip and he and Carolyn are about to fall asleep, just before dozing off the following conversation takes place
Jeremy: The other night I had a dream that you were pregnant and I was really happy about it.
Carolyn: . . . Really?
Jeremy: I wouldn't be though.
Carolyn: Oh, thank god.
There is no way to describe the fear that entered my body after that first statement. The whole idea of bearing and then raising children, still fills me with the greatest dread. I don't know if I'm just a selfish jerk, lacking maternal instincts for anything other than my cat, or in denial. But the whole idea of making babies continues to freak me out. It's something I need to start thinking more seriously about as I near my 30th year though. My child bearing years are growing ever more limited, if the mainstream press is to be believed anyhow.
I know it's okay not to have kids and I know I've always said that I didn't want to have any, but I have also changed my mind about marriage, bell peppers, most nuts, Ernest Hemingway, and Morissey, how am I to know what I believe anymore?
Jeremy: The other night I had a dream that you were pregnant and I was really happy about it.
Carolyn: . . . Really?
Jeremy: I wouldn't be though.
Carolyn: Oh, thank god.
There is no way to describe the fear that entered my body after that first statement. The whole idea of bearing and then raising children, still fills me with the greatest dread. I don't know if I'm just a selfish jerk, lacking maternal instincts for anything other than my cat, or in denial. But the whole idea of making babies continues to freak me out. It's something I need to start thinking more seriously about as I near my 30th year though. My child bearing years are growing ever more limited, if the mainstream press is to be believed anyhow.
I know it's okay not to have kids and I know I've always said that I didn't want to have any, but I have also changed my mind about marriage, bell peppers, most nuts, Ernest Hemingway, and Morissey, how am I to know what I believe anymore?
posted by carolyn says @ 6:25 pm
2 Comments:
At 5 March 2007 at 19:21,
Alannah said…
You have plenty of time to continue believing you don't want kids and you have plenty of time to change your mind. As long as you're on reliable birth control, just enjoy what you've got right now!
One of my best friends insisted she didn't want any children and then within five years she was married and pregnant and her son is now five years-old. She loves being a mother and is a very good mother.
I always tell my friends who come to me for advice about having kids (for a long time I was the only one of our friends who had a child), "There are plenty of people out there who really want to be parents so let those people be the parents. What we have a shortage of is cool aunts and uncles."
At 6 March 2007 at 19:25,
5 of 9er said…
It's funny how as we grow older our opinions and world views change. You have time. :)
Post a Comment
<< Home