blase'

i can be really blase' about my marriage, i don't know why i get so weird, i say sort of mean teasy things abot jeremy in public. i joke about him being a dork and doing dorky things, even though that's something i really like about him. you know? i really like that he has a vespa, and i like that he likes sort of obscure hardcore punk rock and i like that he wears goofy trousers and i even liked that he didn't drink even though he sometimes gave me a hard time about drinking too much. for one whole year he didn't cut his hair and he got this big curly jew-fro and i told him he looked like a cross between shirley temple and screech. i wish he could grow his hair that long again but he says it wouldn't be professional.

i don't know, this isn't supposed to be some random list of what i love about jeremy, what i'm trying to figure out is why i'm such an asshole in general (almost mistyped that as sasshole, maybe that's what i'll start calling funny assholes that i like as opposed to jerky assholes i hate). it's easy enough to blame my family, we're always really sarcastic and kind of mean to each other rather than being nice, but i'm a grown up now, it's time to take responsibilty for my own inner meanness. it's stupid that i mock all the things i like, it's really pretty lame and i need to grow out of it. i mean yeah, i can still mock that he plays ultimate frisbee, because that's silly. but i shouldn't be so crappy about everything else. that will be my november resolution, not to be such a craphead.